Broken Again

He broke me too. I thought that I had found the right guy. Having never been in a relationship I found myself believing that the first guy I fell for would be the guy that I spent the rest of my life with. Everything started out perfectly. I was interested in him, and he was interested in me. I remember the first time I saw him. I thought he was cute. I thought he was funny. He made me feel something I had never felt before, and I thought that this was it. Everything I had hoped for was finally coming to fruition.

I remember our first date. He picked me up at the house and took me to dinner. We went Italian. Isn’t that one of the greatest fears, Italian on the first date? Whatever you do, don’t order the spaghetti! He was so sweet. He opened every door for me and I think he even let me win at air hockey that night. We went to see a movie, but it was starting later than we had thought. I remember that he called my dad to let him know we’d be later than he had originally planned. My dad said it was fine. I wonder if my dad had known that this relationship would end in heartbreak, would his answer have been the same.

There was a night when we were watching movies at his house, and he looked down at me. He said, I could kiss you right now, but I don’t want the memory of your first kiss to be while we were watching movies at my house. I know at that moment I thought that was the most romantic thing I had ever heard. A few weeks later we were walking around the lake early one morning. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. We sat on a bench that lined the path, and as we watched the sun rise above the water, he leaned in and kissed me. It was perfect. Everything I have ever thought a kiss should be, it was.

I don’t know at what point things took a turn for the worst, but they did. He asked my dad how he should break up with me. I wish that were a joke, but it’s not. Then he tells me that he just wants to be friends, that it’s not me, it’s him. He just doesn’t think that God wanted us to be together right now. I think he gave me every line that guys give when they don’t have a really good reason to break up with a girl, or when they do have a reason, they are just too chicken shit to tell you.

He broke my heart in that moment. I cried myself to sleep that night and you would think that was the end, but no, I let him put his claws into me. I couldn’t get away from him. I don’t know why I let myself get so caught up with him. He was smooth. He knew all of the right things to say, and I let him. He was the second guy to break me and it took me years to let him go, if I ever really did.