There are moments in our lives when we need to escape the monotony of our every day routines. For the last three months I have been stuck in long hours with nasty people and today I finally feel like I am getting to break free from this rut that I have been in for so long. Driving here today, I began to think of my life. I am far from having it all together, but I feel that I am beginning to gain some clarity. I would love to put my life on fast forward and just jump right now to where I want to be, but I am beginning to see how unrealistic that truly is.
On my way here today, I began to try and put my life in to some order and I began to realize…as much as I would like to start my masters next fall, and as much as I am ready to get the next phase of my life started, there is still much that needs to be done before I get there. I know what you are thinking…MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY. I feel like I scream that to myself every day. I want to know and not to second guess myself. It is frustrating to know that I am constantly changing from one though pattern to the next.
Today I was thinking that maybe I could wait another year to apply for my masters. That gives me plenty of time to pay off all of my bills and even get out on my own for a year. I could get an apartment, and make my life where I am. I don’t hate my job and I am getting ready to go to a new schedule, and possibly better pay. I want to live my life today. In this moment I want to be happy. I received these words tonight from a friend, “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” I want to live by those words. I am tired of living my life with the regrets of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow and not focus on the joys of today.
I know that my life has kind of been one big mess, but I like to think of it as my way to finding myself. I know who I am better today than I did yesterday. I feel like I am constantly growing, and I don’t know that if I had it all figured out from the start, if I could truly say that. I know that life is a continual journey on the road to self discovery. I just find that the older I get, the more I enjoy that road. I love who I am, and I am proud of who I am. I know that tomorrow I am going to be even more amazing than I am today, and really, that’s all that matters to me.
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