Pushing On

This is one of those days when writing 500 words feels overwhelming. I am tired. Physically I took today to begin working out again, and every muscle in my body is letting me know that they were there with me at the gym. Emotionally, I feel completely drained. I don’t know what is wrong with m e at the moment, but I feel as if everything is piling up and I just don’t quite know how to deal with it all. Spiritually, well, I’ve been dried up for a long time in that department.

I think sometimes that I am nowhere close to what I should be, and other days I don’t quite know how I could be anything more. I guess to me, life has just become a compilation of routines and habits. I wake up and go to work. I do what has to be done and then I come home. Throw in a few conversations with good friends, a few good choices, a few more bad choices, and wake up and do it all over again. How do we get into this monotony? At what point to we decide that average is ok? I wish that I had more motivation. I wish that there was something in me that drove me every day to be on the edge of where I was going next. I want to be constantly thinking about my next move. I want to be a living chess game.

I don’t really understand chess. I don’t know how each pawn moves, or how to take the pieces as I go. I don’t even know the point of the game, but I do know that it is all about strategy. In life, I believe that strategy is essential. If you do not know where to go next, then what is the point of the first move that you make? I look forward to moving in new directions. Learning new things excites me. I am constantly ready to know more, to be more, to do more! I think that sometimes I get so caught up in the routines that I forget to push myself forward. I get stuck.

I know that I cannot be the only one who faces this issue. I believe that is one of the greatest problems facing MOST people today. It is a sense of “Where do I go next?” I see it in college students who have graduated. I see it in young girls with broken hearts. I see it every day in people who have lost their jobs. We are all asking ourselves what our next goal is. I want to be the type of person who never runs out of goals, who is constantly pushing herself onward. I don’t want to keep finding myself stuck in this rut of nothingness that tends to plague me.

I guess what I shall do is to wake up each morning with the goal to be the best version of myself. I want to push myself each day and not let what is going on hinder me from being everything that I want to be. I know that there are great things ahead of me, I just have to reach out and grab them.